Wednesday, January 06, 2010

2010 .........ALL I WANT IS PEACE

Today, I have finally found peace, my inner peace.
Sad but true to say, for the past year, I am so sick, so tired, with myself, surroundings, sick with everything, sometimes I even hate myself so much, but I don't know why.
I am so in need to vent, to leash out all the negativite feelings that I have choked up,
2009 have passed and I haven't come to this blog to up date since oct 09, after my operation and rest for 2 months return to work , I am so busy with work , with Aden , house work and farming in face book * shame on me * I know . I am SO tire just no time for blogging any more .
New year 2010 had arrive .... I need to change myself for the better, for myself and my loved one, all I want is Peace and Harmony ... This is my New years Resolution for 2010 . I want to be Happy, I want to be Me!
I must be strong and not let ppl push me around. I don't like the feeling of being taken for granted, why? Because I am a human and I have feelings too, you know! well at work I will say *Yes * to everything just to keep the peace, ppl like to take it for a ride, with friend, if they need me, they will call me to babysit or baking or cooking for them or feed the cat when there go away for holiday, or just anything that needed to be help with, after that I will not see them or hear from them for weeks until there need my help again. Yes, I am hurt, very hurt and heartbroken, am I not that worthy? until people cannot just call to say hi when they don't need help? wat an Idiot I am .
2010 I wouldn't wantto be in this way anymore, I don't like it I will say a ....Big NO .....

One thing for sure ...... NO one will give a shit to my family, my family comes first, my loving hubby and 4 kids come first, they are my life. .... This year, all my energy will be focus on them. If they are happy I am happy, all 100% of me, my energy and my time will be for them, they desrved sorry babes out there, no time for you all...especially those who keep on asking for help...again, I am only a human, and only one of me
Before this, I always get upset, heartbroken, dissappinted but I always keep it to myself. Now thinking back, why am I so stupid to suffer myself? When I am unhappy, makes my family unhappy too. Now, why I Bother and care wat ppl think of me anymore, the end of the day I don't ask them for help , they need me more than I need them?? Yes, words hurt especially untrue things said about me do hurt, so now I must also be strong for myself and ignore those hurtful words. I am a better person than that.
H*ll with people, H*ll with bullshits and talks and lectures that makes no sense. No point to be good all the time at the end of the day I am still the Black sheep, a black sheep who have so much more feelings than anyone. Whatever, I try to do or help still not good enough for everybody, so from now I just think of my very own family my 4 kids and my hubby ..... nobody else .
I know with this post, a lot of ppl will think that I am very selfish, but I have be a non selfish person for years, whenever anyone asked for help, I will never think twice and help them the best that I can. But when I am in trouble or ill or just need help, ppl just don't want to know and no one even bother just to ask * HOW ARE YOU ?
I am not even wanting to borrow money from anyone :P
All I wish sometimes is just a little care and concern from people. I need some loving too , you know afterall, I am just a human. Is that too much from me? huh?
Also I will never ask anyone for moneylar! I know
if I do ........ ahhahaha ....... every one will run without shoe will run with clogs :P
This is the NEW ..... PEARLY WITHOUT LOVE ...You can LOVE IT or HATE it Just like MARMITE

means no drama please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not for me to say what is right and what is wrong.
I can only live my life and live by my decisions; I can not worry about some else's decisions they've made in their lives.


Cat Cat said...

I totally and completely agree with you... Family comes first... The hell with others....

Nicole said...

wow, I have to catch my breath lol.
Good luck to you and yes, pls stick to your comes first, please take care..okay, Pearly without love...I can accept that!!! =P


2crazydogs said...

Amen, sister! I have to say NO to "family" which like you, I never once said NO to them. But this year I told myself I need to be more firm. I'm proud of you, Pearly. Keep it up and good luck. Like Nicole said, Pearly with No Love, never mind, we know you are loved and a loving person, that's all it matters lah! :) Take care.

pearly said...

dear Cath sis Nicole sis babe , Dawn dear :
Thank so much :)
I will try My BEST to keep it NO should say I BLOODY WILL DO IT :P